WHAT'S IN THE BOX?

THE PIGEON GIVES THE FINGER:

A VERY SPECIAL ANOTHER APPLICABLE THING, WITH SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCES BY NANCY REAGAN, GORDON BUNT, JOE NAMATH, THE GRANDSON OF SOME GUY THAT BILLY THE KID KILLED, AND THE CURRENT INCARNATION OF MENUDO:

• My shingles
  
• A Vick's humidifier that we bought for $20 at Target
  
• My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss

WHY, YES, THAT'S AN APPLICABLE THING IN MY POCKET, AND I'M HAPPY TO SEE YOU:

• Some job Phil Throckmorton had

A GUY WHO WAS IN MEL GIBSON'S APOCALYPTO WHO CLAIMS TO BE THE SON OF ANOTHER APPLICABLE THING BUT THE FAMILY HAS SOME QUESTIONS:

• The period after the end of history, as defined by Francis Fukuyama, but before we all decided that history could have do-overs

WHAT A GREAT-GRANDCHILD OF ANOTHER APPLICABLE THING MIGHT BE LIKE IF THE SECOND AND FOURTH SONS OF ANOTHER APPLICABLE THING EACH HAD A CHILD AND THOSE CHILDREN MARRIED EACH OTHER:

• If I Did It

A PIMPLE ON THE FOREHEAD OF ONE OF THE TEN SONS OF ANOTHER APPLICABLE THING, I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH:

• An argument I had with my wife a few years ago about the Nike case and false advertising, but only just barely

YOUNGER AND KIND OF FUNNY-LOOKING NONUPLET SONS OF ANOTHER APPLICABLE THING:

• Joanna
  
• Steve Jenkins
  
• Nathan
  
• Agent Mars
  
• Boone Carlyle
  
• Leslie Arzt
  
• Shannon Rutherford
  
• Ana-Lucia
  
• Libby

SON OF ANOTHER APPLICABLE THING:

• That time when the Chinese were holding those dudes who crashed that spy plane

ANOTHER APPLICABLE THING:

• William Henry Harrison

SOME APPLICABLE THINGS:

• Extension on filing tax return
  
• That new book I thought Spaceboy v.2.0 was old enough to have in his crib during his nap
  
• Harriet Meiers, Associate Justice
  
• Dallas Mavericks winning streak
  
• Plan to do 3,000 sit-ups a day, like Herschel Walker
  
• Joanie Loves Chachi (???)
  
• My Black Sabbath cover band
  
• Some milk I bought where I lost the lid under the refrigerator